I know that I am supposed to stay a virgin until I am married. Other Christians supposedly know that as well, but very very few of them actually stay abstinent until their married. I am no different with my sexual desires than any other Christian.
I get worked up into an envious rage when I find out that people are having sex or acting in a sexual way or delighting in sexual talk. I was once able to convince myself that staying abstinent was a desirable thing and that I didn’t want to do it, but I couldn’t kid myself for long.

Arguments in favor of abstinence that stress how sex can lead to diseases or unwanted pregnancy are not compelling arguments. They’re not even holy arguments. Yes of course those things can happen, but it doesn’t negate the fact that sex would be pleasurable.

As I was saying, I get worked up into an envious rage whenever I get even the slightest idea that people are having sex and I’m not. And I can’t stand the ones that, during church, express one attitude regarding sex, but then express contradictory attitudes outside of a church setting. It’s unbearable.
I understand what envy and anger can do to a person and I am trying to cure myself of it. How can I stop feeling this way?
I can’t seem to help thinking of or looking at people that have sex, especially premarital or extramarital sex, and thinking "Damn you! You lucky bastard!" or something like that. Just knowing that there is sex going on out in the world pisses me off, especially the hypocritical premarital Christian sex, the same people that state publicly that sex is supposed to be for marriage or that it’s perverted or sick or something like that.
I will likely never get any sex ever in my life. I am a loser. I know.