I cant figure it out. I’m 33. there is no … absolutely no treatment for my condition. This is even told to me by every doctor.. .. lots of never damage that will never ever heal. nothing will work period.
Now that I got that embarrassing prognosis out of the way I always tend to think how beautiful women are and that I absolutely never ever can please one. I also know that no woman would ever want to be with me which I can understand and don’t blame them at all…
I occupy my time by completely indulging myself in my career which is in Sales. I make allot of money too because since I am a loser single man the only thing I can do is master sales but you know how that goes…. Its not enough to please a woman.
No matter how much money I make I am always sad, I put a fake smile on my face, and I always pretend that I am happy and I am doing so well and love life. ( Its just hard to explain to people why at the age of 33 I am still single. Some suspect I might be gay) but I am not. I couldn’t be gay if I wanted to. Pathetic right?
So in retrospect what is my purpose in life? How do I prepare for my long long years of being alone and never being loved. I was in love once back when I was 20 but that’s the last time I ever felt love. Ive hd my condition for 14 years. what a great hand to be dealt.
any advise?
I think if you never put yourself out there to find love then you will succeed in never finding it.
If you allow failure to happen and give it a chance perhaps the right woman will come along who can overlook this, find alternate methods of pleasing… and adopt children. There is a purpose to life, and you create it.
I have found that Jesus will heal any wound in our lives, no matter what. Even in the face of a physical situation, He makes your life better in another way, and this issue, while big, won’t seem big at all when He does what He does for you.
You’ve still got fingers and a tongue, don’t ya?
Crude but apt.
I don’t know. If you’re expecting me to say how everyone has a purpose, how theres someone for everyone…I can’t. I honestly don’t believe it, and if you can tell me what mine is, let me know.
find a woman with a similar condition.
the best thing you can do is not spawn. i cant afford to raise another kid sincerely a concerned taxpayer
Awww, I feel so bad for you ):
That must suck!! Im really sure there must be some beautiful amazing woman out there that would love to be with you! You just need to be patient! I really hope you find someone to love!
Goodluck(:!
sex isnt everything in life. do you think that every person who has ever made a difference in the world wasnt a virgin. jesus, ghandi. virgins. make a difference help the sick. or the poor. sex isnt everything
thats sad, if you believe in God then pray to him, I’m sure he has his plans for you , but don’t give up on him
You sound like a great person and I’m sorry that you feel that way. But I believe that there is someone out there for one of us and you have to believe it too. When the right woman comes along, she’ll appreciate you not what you’re capable or incapable of. You have to stay positive and I hope you find that special lady.
Good luck.
God is full of shit, and won’t solve anything.
Personally I just do lots of drugs. It’s fast, easy, and you make lots of money so that’s not a problem.
but you may not be ok with that. Witch is fine, it just helps me with my condition.
I wonder can you get the penis pump…its an implanted "pump" that inflates a balloon in your penis! You won’t exactly be pleasured but she will…after than just let the air out! Sounds funny, but if this is what you need to build confidence and make you think that you can "please" a woman…ITS WORTH IT!
Sex is not the only thing women want!…I KNOW IT SOUNDS cliche but God has a plan for you…and a woman who will love you for who you are, not for what you can do for her
Give your life to God. Let him lead you like no one else has ever lead you. Love him, he already loves you. Sex is not love, and you can still find love and ways to please. Life to me is not about how much money you make, definitely not about sex. Money will never make you happy, no matter how much you have you’ll always want more.
Embrace your celibacy and study some of the prophets in the bible that led that life. Pray and you will find the answers you seek.
Love in Christ,
Michelle
If you hide yourself from all women, you’re going to miss out on that one you think isn’t there…
Your first purpose in life should be to get yourself out of your self pity. There are many ways to have a sexual relationship in your condition and there are many relationships that are purely platonic, i.e. where the partners love each other, marry/co-habitat and simply don’t have sex.
Your "purpose" is what you make it to be, nothing more, nothing less.
You do realize you have passed judgment on yourself as though you know the thoughts and feelings of all women?
"…I always tend to think how beautiful women are and that I absolutely never ever can please one. I also know that no woman would ever want to be with me…"
Do you think that ALL women value men for their sexual prowess? Do you think the only way to please a woman is with your penis? Have you asked EVERY woman on the planet whether she would want to be with you or not?
Your problem is NOT your body but your MIND.
Life has no purpose, its just there, so you do what you want with it
Jesus Christ will LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
try Him!!
Many beautiful women can love and be loved by you. Women are often attracted to those who they feel they can mother. Many women, gorgeous and all, would find a disabled person attractive, just because it suits their images of themselves as tolerant and off-center.
Your purpose is what you make it
What! So what!! You are impotent-and? Does that stop you from sexually pleasing a woman? No. I can see where you would be down in the dumps but if you continue to look at the down side to this it will only serve to bring you down. You condition is one part of you. There are many, many women who would not care about your impotence. Heck, many women I know can’t orgasm with an adult toy in the first place. This is a minor problem that you have let consume you. Your purpose in life? It is whatever you will let it be. So, you can’t get it up and you are going to let that stop you from living life? You can happily marry, adopt children, and lead a normal life just like anyone else. I would suggest you seek counseling to help you overcome what seems to me to be a depression and learn about boosting your self esteem. As it stands now your personal self worth seems to be low. With a positive attitude it can be off the charts…where it should be. Again, don’t assume that no woman would want to be with you. This is simply not true.
edit…you are not disabled. you are not doomed to be in a platonic relationship. god is great but that is not the question here. don’t be patient waiting for someone to love you – stop the pity party and start living.
I swear…the majority of these answers are making me so angry! So what…you can’t get it up…who cares? It just doesn’t matter. You can still pleasure a woman without an erection. The impotency is the least of his problems.
Okay. I really want you to understand that you are a beautiful person. As long as you focus on what you do not want, you are creating more of that. I want you to go watch "the secret". "The New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle is an EXCELLENT BOOK. Please check them both out.
It seems like you are being really hard on yourself and you are focusing too much on form. This is no way to live your life. Life was meant to be enjoyed. You are an awesome person. YOU are deciding to be single and you are deciding to "pretend" you are happy. You are focusing on "NOT" how to please a woman. Please Please Please tell me you will watch "The Secret". I promise you …. you will feel differently about this. I got my copy from Amazon for $6.00 and have forced every single friend of mine to watch it. ALL of them LOVE IT!
Good luck to you.. Keep your head up.
http://www.thesecret.tv
Try to imagine your life without your condition. What would the main purpose in life have been?
My guess is even it was "to have a family" it wasn’t just "to have sex." You sound far too articulate than that.
So what is denied to you is sex. A family and a loving relationship aren’t denied to you. Before you roll your eyes and think "please! What woman would…" and think that I don’t understand. Well, I might not understand but hear me out.
A "family" doesn’t have to mean "wife and kids." You can find a lot of meaning, a lot of family, in places you look for them. I heard a quote recently that the family of the 21st century wasn’t our relatives, but those we give friendship to.
After a murder in my family, I fell into clinical depression. The thing that helped to pull me out of it was volunteering. I honestly think that by connecting with people, by finding those who need your help, you will get a lot of meaning in your life. I don’t know of anybody who volunteers on a regular basis that doesn’t come away fromt he experience much richer. I would recommend Big Brothers/Big Sisters or become a mentor/reading tutor in an elementary school (trust me, we are looking for volunteers).
In addition, it’s not unthinkable for you to adopt a child as a single man, if this is something that you want to pursue.
For starters, don’t listen to those who tell you that Jezus is the only way/solution. They want you to feel helpless/powerless.
Think of life as a poker game. You’ve been dealt a hand . . . it isn’t the cards that determine whether you win or lose – it is all about how you play them!
As for impotency – ever hear of "the pump"?
in bible there is a passage where jesus says if any of your organ commits sins, cut and throw them away and today’s world so many catholic priests and pastors are committing sexual sins. why don’t you become a priest or pastor and serve the lord whole heartdely? whatever has happened to you take it as a way god prepared you for better things to do on earth than have a woman in life. sex is just a part of life and that is alone is not a life. so many catholic priests are living celibacy life.
I agree with Rhage.
The first answerer said it best. Jesus is the answer. I believe God can find a woman who can and will love you. You will be able to please her. Get your heart right with God first. Give your problems Him and He will do the rest! I am sorry for what has happened to you. I could not imagine how you feel. I still believe God has a plan for you that is better than your wildest dreams. YOU WILL BE HAPPY!
Honestly? Keep looking, don’t give up entirely. There are ways to please a woman without having the normal man tool (just ask a lesbian…) She may never be able to have children by you, but being loved by you and supported emotionally and everything by you is desired far more than you would know. Don’t sell yourself short.
Bless you
Love YHWH, serve Him
HalleluYah!
The purpose of life is to serve God so that we may have everlasting life.
There are many ways to please a woman. There are also women who cannot have children for some reason that will love to meet you for the purpose of marriage and adoption of children and for companionship.. There must be others like your self. Have you tried to search out web sites? You don’t have to be alone.
The best advice you will ever receive is to turn your life completely over to God. Once you have done that nothing can ever make you sad and defeated again. If you want true relief from all the things that are troubling you, get on your knees and sincerely pray this to God:
"Dear God, I acknowledge that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that He was born of the Virgin Mary. I believe that He died on the cross, that His blood was shed for my sins and that He arose from the dead. I confess that I have disobeyed your commandments. I ask you to forgive me for these sins. I now ask Jesus to come into my heart. Be my Savior. Be my Lord. Be my soon coming King. I will do my best to obey your teachings as recorded in the Bible. Thank you, in Jesus name. Amen."
If you do this with all sincerity, fully meaning it, you will find that your life will turn around very dramatically. Next, you would have to find a good non denominational Christian church, join with them and tell them you wish to be baptized by full immersion under water like Jesus did. "To fulfill all righteousness".
Shalom (Peace)
May God be with you always.
should you waste you life thinking about that? dont worry about it…God has plans for you…you will never know who will come along your way. there are women who is all after that thing, but above all, you need a woman who can stand up to you more than a women whom you need to please. and if you dont get one, why dont you try to make others of less fortune than you happier by devoting your time benefiting them?
You will be surely rewarded.
There are support/ singles groups available for people who want to be in relationships, but either cannot have sex or don’t want to have sex. These groups are rare, and may not be available in your area, but there’s always the internet. That won’t solve your problem, I know, but you definitely don’t have to be alone.
You make alot of money in your sales job, so that shows me and everyone else that you are obviously good at something.Life was never all about sex and if someone loves you they will except you for who you are.There are alot of men out there who have all sorts of problems with their penis’s and sex lives it doesn’t make them any less of a man.You can satisfy your partner using other means if you wanted to .. there are lots of toys on the market, a sensual massage,cuddles and kisses who doesn’t love to be held?.I’ll tell you what a real man is.. someone who can provide, someone who is caring,someone who is sharing, someone who is loving and someone who is trustworthy and honest and takes care of his responsibility’s.. where did i mention good in bed?? it doesn’t come into it, but all the above mentioned is what women want .. submit another question asking them what they would rather have, i bet I’m right. Your purpose in life is to live it, that’s why you didn’t die in your accident, so pick yourself up and show the world and it’s women what a great man you really are.
First of all, I have one word for you and one word only: Lesbians. If they can have a fulfilling sex life then you can, too. Minus your orgasms, of course, but you sound more hung up on being unhung.
Second of all, it sounds like you want love. Well, how about an open relationship? You can be the platonic friend that’s always there. By their thirties, a lot of women have realized that the platonic friend is more important than the transient boyfriend. You could probably set something up where she had flings but lived with and loved you. There are much stranger ways to structure a relationship. There’s a gazillion people with various problems in love that are worse than yours and they manage it somehow. Hell, just find a frigid woman. She’ll love ya for not pressuring her into sex. Find someone who got raped a lot as a child and never got over it.
Two-an-a-half: There’s plenty of women who would love a high-earning guy they don’t have to spread for. I wouldn’t want that, but you can easily land a pretty one.
Thirdly–romantic love isn’t the only purpose in life. OK, ok, procreation is in the Darwinian sense, but c’mon now! You have a forebrain. You are capable of building a life around something other than romantic love. Adopt a bangladeshi kid, take in a homeless person, build perfect model ships in a bottle, anything. Read some extistentialism–there is no externally imposed "purpose". It’s your freaking job to find your purpose. Bemoaning an inability to achieve the purpose you want is self-indulgent.
First and foremost, I’m sorry that you are burdened by these feelings and for what happened. I know it can’t be easy – I could only imagine.
What you can do is use this to your advantage. Whatever it is you have been diagnosed with that has caused these problems, you can learn more about it and perhaps offer some education for other people (especially males) that are going through the same thing. I know it may seem pointless, but if you think of how many others are affected by a condition (regardless of how it happened) similar to yours, there is still a lot of life left within you that can be admired, accepted and respected.
Think of motivational speakers. At one point in their life, something significant happened that would change their life forever. They learned about it and learned how to overcome the obstacles they have in front of them. They use what they’ve learned, plus the knowledge and encouragement others have gave them and offered that to people who have "been there, done that" so to speak.
Also, sexual gratification isn’t everything in a relationship. I know it may seem pretty important to some people. Relationships are built on a lot more than strictly sex and money. Women worth your time will know this and expect the same. They should also accept you for you. There is someone for everyone, please know this. You just have to somehow find a happiness within you first to allow someone else to see it.
It sounds like you have a lot to offer someone so don’t give up because of this one little (and it is little, really) obstacle.
I can’t say I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. Just remember it’s not how hard we fall down, but how we get up. Find the strength you have (I know it’s there just waiting to burst out) and use that to pursue the happiness you’ve dreamnt of. It may be a little different than what you intended, but you can find it again!
Best of luck to you!
First of all, you are wrong about one thing; not every woman is shallow enough to reject you as a partner just because of your impotency. There are so many people to meet, so much love to be felt and you’d do well not to assume no one will ever want you, that you won’t be able to please any girl, that you’ll never feel love again. Part of what you need to do is not give up on having a love life, a relationship, and someone to be with you in everything you do. Self pity will get you nowhere.
Second of all, you don’t need to be able to hold an erection to have sex. What do you think lesbians do to have sex? (Just an example) Like one person has already said, you still have fingers, arms, and a tongue! Have you ever heard of a dildo or a vibrator? There are so, so many sex options that are quite satisfying and don’t require erect male genitalia! I don’t think that you’d have any problem at all finding a woman who will love you and be perfectly satisfied with what you can give them.
It’s not over yet! Good luck and I hope I helped!
~Sagara~
You never know what life will deal you.
For me after a long grueling haul with my Ex [8 years now] and almost dying, I finally ended all physical contact with him 4 years ago and now just sort of friends. Too sad to watch a 500 car train wreck year after year. We have a dog together [I potty trained him] and I have always been the one to do whatever I have to do to keep him in the family when Mr. Ex. was in jail/rehab. Anyway, being celibate is not such a bad thing. No drama, no drama. It allows me to focus on things with clarity I never had before. Besides, the flesh is a deceiver. And has gotten me into a lot of trouble back in the day.
Now, I am so set in my ways. I don’t really deal well with BS especially from someone who thinks they are so slick. It’s funny to me. It’s me and my Son, my old rescue dogs, my cat, and the Lord who makes it all happen.
When I first became a Christian, I thought the Lord would use me in some grandiose way. Over the last 2 years, I realized that I am just a helper. He knows what I do and why. That’s all that matters. And that’s ok. I don’t need the spotlight.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Remember, as a man thinks. so he is.
PS – the clown avatar is kind of scary.
God has not yet informed you of what your purpose in life is He has chosen for you. He is waiting for you to first pass His test of faith. It’s up to you if you want to pass it or fail it. God puts us all through the test of faith just as He did Job. Job hung in there, passed the test and ended up with more than he had before. Who says the same won’t happen to you.
I think you are confusing sex and love..if you have a mind,heart, body and soul you can still love and be loved. There are woman who much prefer the cuddling, intimate relationship without the physical consummation. To put your purpose of life on one part of your body is just plan wrong thinking. God don’t make no junk and you are not junk!! It just takes a little more effort to tell yourself you are worth while and worth loving.If you like go to a veteran’s hospital and see what many younger men go without. Or better yet consider volunteering at one,
As far as other people asking why you aren’t married tell them something like "I guess I’m just to picky"..Or "The right one just hasn’t captured my heart yet."
The only other suggestion would be to find a counselor who could possibly put you in contact with a support group.I’m sure there must be one..
Prayers are with you and you are loved by a God that understands pain and hurt…Just look to the Cross at Calvary.
Hey man, let me just say I’m really sorry to hear about your accident and situation. I’m also sorry to hear about what you’ve been doing with your life since the accident…it’s as if, instead of working to solve the issue, or even to mourn it, you’ve kept yourself busy and covered it up with toys. This is common among many who experience death or loss of some sort.
I’ve gotta tell you though, many of the women on here have given you better answers than I could ever type…some good points about sex (or lack of), your focus, testimonies, solutions to the sex issue, suggestions for family, opinions about relationships and such, and yes, even about God.
So I’m going to say, read the answers from the ladies, then pray…Address God, and repeat everything you typed for this question, and everything else you’re struggling with or want to vent out (He’s God, He can take it)…even to the point of asking, "any advise?"
follow satan and he will make your life better…. you will get the kind of life you want and all you have to do is do satan’s work
So your purpose in life was wrapped up in your ability to have an erection or reproduce? How sad.
There are women out there who would be quite content to have a relationship w/o intercourse. There are many other ways to please a woman. Her largest sex organ is her brain. Many of them are superior to intercourse in satisfying a woman. I’m assuming you do have other redeeming qualities as well as hands and a mouth. You just need to do some research.
Check out the leather scene. You don’t have to commit to anything most groups welcome the curious and are willing to educate you if you are open minded. Free Spirit’s Beltane is a good safe event to learn about alternative sexuality if you’re on the east coast. My brother teaches several workshops there.
Today, at 29 I am a good looking & enjoy a decent living.
Frankly, it is not easy to satisfy the partner merely thru penetration.
Many many other ways, & the women still love you.
I love men. I have been married to the same one for coming on 25 years. I love him. I assume he loves me. At the end of the day, if all he had to offer me is sex, our life together would have been over long ago. He had better have more that that to bring to the party.
I know at your age, being a man to boot this will be little encouragement. We are wired differently. But please know love is so much more than sex. A lot more.
What a lucky lady you will have. She is getting the real deal in you when you find each other. You work, you are articulate, you are accepting of challenges that would make most men drop over. You are a good man. You are stronger than any weight lifter on earth. Where it counts the most.
I think i love you!!
I do, and I wish for you to see the man you really are.Shalom
Your self pity scares me…am a beautiful woman by all standards and I hav always been looking for an impotent man to love me… And I believe many other women would want to…we should get to know each other….
I dont know what you consider beautiful but I know how to love a man such as yourself…..with my whole heart.
Love is not equals to sex. If a woman is shallow enough to break up with you because she doesn’t have good sex, then it’s too bad for her. In fact, I think you’re lucky because if a lady loves you, i guess that would be what they call true love. Sex isn’t everything…don’t plunge yourself into work just because you’ve been diagnosed to be impotent. It is much better than to be diagnosed to have some terminal illness that can cause death any moment. You’ll have a purpose in life but you’ll need to find it. Right now, your purpose in life and your true love is just like a piece of mentos dragee hidden in a whole bowl of flour, so try your best to find them even if it means to get your whole face covered in flour:) All the best:)